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Dear ______:

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When people learn of my health history, I am sometimes asked about my faith in God, or whoever is upstairs. I've taken a number of perspectives toward religion and spirituality over the years, from being a hymn-singing church goer to an angry teenager who rejected God to a yoga enthusiast.

In church, I've been told to have faith in the Lord, to trust in the Lord. In school, I've had peers tell me to pray. In yoga, I've learned to trust my body and my breath. In my experience, my belief has always been contingent upon cause and effect. I have to see the results of my faith to continue to believe. In Mulder terms, I want to believe. But I don't believe because I haven't been given a reason to. I struggle with religion and faith because I don't believe things happen for a reason. I think that's an easy answer to a much more complex design.

So to whomever is upstairs, whether it be God, a yoga instructor, or Yoda, I want to express how stupid it is that you're fucking with me like this. I try to be honest with myself. I try to be kind to others. I try to serve my community, and in turn try to put myself in their shoes. I try to take care of my health. I try to love those that are difficult to love. I am selfish and stubborn and I don't shower enough, but I try to be a decent human being. I love my family, I love my constants, I love my life. I am thankful for each day I wake up a healthy transplant patient. I try to be better than the last day. I try to contribute to the greater good. I try to recycle to save my home planet. I try.

Shouldn't someone try for me?




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